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June 29 Is this masquerade finally over?EVER been to a masquerade??
Do i hear a "no"? or even a "oh those happen only in italy , and i have never been to italy"?
Well then , i am so sorry that you have failed to recognize the fact that you have been spending most of ur life being a part of one.
People. They never reveal their true selves , do they? Come to think of it , have YOU ever revealed your true self ? i am guessing a "no".
Everyone has their own mask.They have created these masks themselves at some point of their lives , to their own convinience.
To never reveal their true selves.
To hide behind.
To never come off.
Just think.Think hard.Do you actually know anyone? Everyone labels someone as their "Best friend" or "close friend" or even "spouse". Do you ACTUALLY KNOW them? their deepest secrets? deepest thoughts ? how their mind work ?
In other words, do u know the person behind the mask ?
you probably don't.when people intoduce themselves , and they call themselves "funny" and "jovial" and "outgoing" , they are talking about their masked identity, not their own.Dont believe them.You are the one to judge if they are "funny" or "jovial" or not.Not them.
Coming back to the point, we majority of the time cant recognize anyone behind their masks.You know why? Because people dont like to be vulnerable.they despise being weak and exposed.
Just for the fear of being "used" or "hurt".
So, no matter what happnes, the masks stay on.That is just how it works. Everyone has and keep their own secrets.their own thoughts. their own privacy.
There will be very FEW people in your life who will recognize you looking beyond the wall, u built up ,around yourself. Who actually leavea mark in your mind and heart.Who touch you in the ost unexpected way.
These are the people who trully know you. Thats the main reason you never let them go.As they are trully the ones who understand you, who suppport you , who help you reveal your true-self behind the mask before the mask becomes a permanent part of you.
And in some point of your life, we realize that at the end of the day , behind our walls and masks, we are actually all the same person.
We all share the same joy , the same fears , the same hurt.
Its about time we muster up the courage to rememeber the fact that most of the people are just like us.
So, dont be afraid.
Give the real "you" a chance.
Even help others realize that its completely safe to be ourselves.
Otherwise, the simplest way to put it is that you just arent living your life to the fullest!
"Dont be fooled by me.
Dont be fooled by the face i wear.
For i wear a mask, a thousand masks,
masks that i am afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.
Pretending is an art which is second nature to me,
but dont be fooled.
For God's sake dont be fooled.
I give you the impression that i am secure,
that confidence is my name and coolness is my game,
and the waters calm and i'm in command,
and that i dont need no one.
But dont believe me.
My surface may seem smooth but my surface
is my mask , ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion and fear and aloneness.
But i hide this.I dont want anyone to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness and fear being exposed.
Thats why i frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade, to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such glance is precise;y my salvation.
MY only hope, and i know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love.
Its the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self bulit prison walls,
from the barriers I so pain-stakingly erect.
Its the only thing that will asssure me
of what i cant assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
I dont like to hide.
I dont like to play superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me,
but you have got to help me.
You have got to hold out your hand
even when thats the last thing i seem o want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the bland stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind and gentle and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings, very small wings,
very feeble wings
bu wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
Who am I, you may wonder.
I am someone you know very well.
For i am every man you meet,
and i am every woman you meet."
AUTHOR UNKNOWN
(this poem has been taken from "chicken soup for the teenage souls".... one of my favourites...especially the way he/she ends it.) June 16 Why do onions make me cry?It started after Durga puja.
my mom's obsession with big screen cell phones started just after Durga puja.And finally after aout 10 months , my mom bought herslef a Nokia 3230 a few days back .. in exchange of my first ever cell phone ,Nokia 2100 . So , in turn , i got my mom's other cell phone , a nokia 6610i . I wasnt very keen on having it because some weird way i had gotten very much attatched to my very crappy cell phone. so,i decided on custimizing it a bit to make it feel more "me". Well, i accidently messed around the security settings, and then the only thing my cell phone displayed was "SIM CARD REJECTED".Great!I spoiled my SIM card one hour after i recieved my newly appointed cell phone.My dad, who stays and africa because of work , has come to india just for a few days for the sole purpose of my admissions, wasnt very happy about my meddling either! AGAIN , I got a heavy shouting on how i treat everything with no respect and gratitude and on how i meddle with things i'm not supposed to fiddle with , which always results in some new fiasco.Reality sure bites.it bites hard...I waited for the tears to come.They didnt.
Later the same day , i hardly gt any studying done.My room was in a mess and both my parents,being the MOST organized people i know, gave me another milder hearing on how my room,closet and study area was disgustingly cluttered ... and how i couldnt succeed without being organized.FOR ME , the room was an organized mess, but in their eyes , it was a pig sty . For them , the mess was failure waiting to happen.I then wondered, after they left the room, how it would feel to feel failed in life.
to feel disapointed.To feel completely and utterly useless.And then i thought , maybe mom and dad are right.i am just not organized enough and serious enough to meet with success.I waited for the tears to come.They just didnt.
Again that day , i felt like listening to cassette's(remember those? ) i had recorded in 7th standard.And in my way of grabbing the cassette off the shelf, i tripped , fell and cut my lip.It hurt bad as i hit the cold hard floor.My lips were all red and bleeding.I expected me to shed a few tears,just to make myself feel better.I waited for the tears to come as i held ice to my bleeding lip.They wouldnt.
And you know how girls cry over silly things? i do that sometimes.I couldnt find my favourite pairs of socks AND my watch before i left the house for an outing in the evening.I expected me to whine.I waited for the fake tear to drop.It didnt.
That night i watched lion king (for the umpteenth time) ... and the part where mufasa dies in the stampede? It has never failed once to make me cry when simba cries out "HELP...somebody ..anybody" .. i always dread that scene.when it finally came,i again waited for the tears to come.They didnt.
Next morning , I am still not in the mood to talk and to hear someone talk.So , as my mom left for work , me & dad started preparing lunch. I started cutting the vegetables while he fried the fish.While dicing the tomatoes and chopping the garlic , I thought about the day before's happenings.Those awkward moments where i was supposed to shed tears but i didnt. I kept thinking to myself "Maybe ady was right...i just might have changed! is that why the tears didnt come? how come no one noticed and inquired about my swollen and cut lip? have i really become that anti-social that none of my friends dont sms me anymore? but why didnt i cry ?where were the tears? why didnt the come?? do i just not cry anymore? "
Just then Dad asks me to slice 2 onions for the fish .I started slicing the first onion....
i felt a tear roll down my cheek.
P.S ---- i re-read jhumpa lahiri's "interpreter of maladies" again. ITS AN EXCELLENT READ...GET HOLD OF IT IF U HAVENT READ IT...IT AMAZING!!! best ive ever read!
p.p.s---- DID I MAKE ABSOLUETLY ANY SENSE ????
June 09 me?? i am a bengali ....the other day when i was standing in line for submitting some forms for admissions ...i ran into my childfood friend, paulina, we'd grown up together ..us two inseperable bengali girls. we starting chit-chatting(AS USUAL!)about our plans about our future , common friends and her dad's recent transfer to assam. suddenly this lady behind me starting talking to us too in bengali
, bout our marks and all ,just like that ...with no awkwardness at all...and why the lack of awkwardness? It was JUST because we were conversing in bengali ..
..and it reminded me of something , we bengali's have very peculiar habits ...i mean not us teenagers ..but these habits usually develops as the growth of grey hair commences....
WHEREVER we bengali's are ..may it be the shopping mall , a train , a bus ,even alaska ...whenever we see few other people speaking bengali , the nudging starts .."dekh! ora-o bangali !" (look! even they are bengali)
i have never seen pujabi's do that or even south-indians do that and maharshtrians doing that, is totally out of the question...
BUT..why do we bengali's do that? my mom does it..my grandmom does it....i just hope i never develop that habit....
ALSO, why are bengali mothers so over-protective about their kids ?If you are a bengali , you'll probably realize what i mean ,but if your not..think about the bengali in your group ..there are 88% chances that he is the one who is the least present during the hang-out session...and if not that ...their cell phones will always ring after they reach a destination with them answering with a "hain ma..ami shabdhane pouchegachi" (yes mom..i have reached safely)...or around curfew time with them answering with a "hain ma....ami ekhuni chadchhi" (yes mom..i am just leaving!)....we'll the guys in my class still tease me about the constant calls from my mom to know about my where-abouts....
.....WHY? why such obsession ? I dont think any of my non-bengali friends have their mom calling up every two hours to know about their current status or even bug them about have they reached CCD or not...
let me give another example of some of our peculiar habits....
The other day i had visited d-mart to do some shopping .... so i was in a bit of a hurry ...& as some of you might know how jam-packed the counters are during the evenings...while i was standing there with my basket( for i think forever) ... i was attentive enough to hear the discussion between three bengali ladies standing in front of me .....and what were the discussing ? "oh..amar mei? amar mei akhun B.A korche..oor akhun exam cholche"..."tei naki?? shei bolo...tei jone oke aj kal dekhi na .... amar chele to eibar father agnel theke mechanical engggineering koro pass out korlo...akhun IIM re jone preperation korche,,,,bolo to ..aaj kal ki compition hoi gache..amader shomaye emni thodi chilo ?" ..."thik hi bole tumi...amar bhagne ..unviversity topper chilo..kintu IIM dyui bar try koreyo pelo na.." ("oh..my daughter ? my daughter is currently doing B.A ..her exams are going on right now"...."really? no wonder i havent seen her now-a-days...my son passed out from father agnel this time..he did mechanical engg....right now he is preparing for IIM...now what can u say ? competition is so tough nowadays .. it never was thos tough during our times..." .." you said it! my nephew ...he was the university topper ...but even after 2 tries ,he couldnt make it to IIM ") ...and so they go on ..even as they proceed out of d-mart... this is a thing majority
of the bengali mothers do.....discuss about their kids and their educational future 24*7*365.....*phew *
....when they walked out i looked around to find another group of ladies ..probably from gujrat or U.P "tujhe dekhna chahiye .... jo saree kharidi na maine.. lajawab hai .....kya kaam kiya gaya hai ..." .."really? kahan se kharida ?" .."wahi...wo dukan ki baat kar rahi thi na mein santa cruz mein...wahi dukan.." .. U WILL NEVER find non-bengali people (there are exceptions)disussing about their off-springs and their success stories..or their brilliance or their kid's educational future..et al (except maybe south-indians..)
WELL , bengali's do have their downs...we'll doesnt everybody ?
On my recent trip to Kolkatta, i visited the renouned "Presidency" and "the COffee House" for the first time ever .... it had a different vibe to it... a very intellectual vibe..a vibe which made me feel like stand up on the table and recite some lines from RabindraNath Tagore poems and plays or sumthin (even though i dont know any...) it made me feel proud that day ...to sit there in the coffee house whose walls have been around since the pre-british times ....and which had produced some of india's greatest writers and poets...and also which had given india ALL her "Nobel " prize receipients ..and for all i knew ...another receipient might have been sitting right at the next table ,opposite to mine,but i wouldnt have been able to see him anyway cz of all the cigerrate smoke (FYI-- smoking is a statement of an intellectual! )
ANYWAY ..i can go on and on about the ups and downs of bengali's ...But i really have to click that "PUBLISH ENTRY" quick... bcoz right now i really have to rush to the living room ..the first FIFA WORLD CUP 2006(YA!!!) match germany vs. costa rica is going on...and i think i just heard my dad scream "GOOOAAALLL" ...thrice....
P.S -- i'm sorry bout any mistakes ( grammatical and spellings...i really have to go see that match.....)...
DISCLAIMER : this entry not meant to offend anyone ..... if u have been offended, i would like to hear about it....even othewise..COMMENT! June 04 THINGS I WISH I HAD KNOWN SOONERI recently borrowed the "Chicken soup for the teenage soul II" AGAIN !! (me , the poor hapless soul*sigh!*).Sooo I came across this very interesting entry by this guy where he had written his list of "THINGS I WISH I'D KNOWN SOONER" .so i decided it was high time i compile my own list of "THINGS I WISH I HAD KNOWN SOONER" .....so here goes.....
* Not to touch the bulb while its switched on.NEVER.
* Its NOT fun throwing lettuce with heavy mayo out the bus.
* Not to play catch with a tennis ball around the living room with mom's expensive cutlery out.....(damn...that was a heavy punishment!)
* NOT to jerk an ink pen over my school uniform skirt during the first lecture iself!
*Remember to switch off the Iron after ironing my clothes......(which i did bout 6 hours later after the outer plastic layer was successfully burnt)
*Carrot Juice is NOT sweet!(thats the biggest cover up in hollywood history!)
*Cats DONT like it when we step over their tails WHILE they are asleep (i think i ran my fastest then)
*AVOIDING confessions and crying during sleepovers.....THEY JUS SIMPLY RUIN IT !!!!
*Officers at the immigration counter DONT like it when u try to make small talk with them
*ALWAYS...and i mean ALWAYS remember to keep all taps closed before leaving home coz' otherwise about a day later you will end up paying a penalty for wasting so much of water recreating the 26/7 scene in YOUR OWN HOME!
*Its NOT fun when u stick the "KICK ME HARD" sign on your aunt's kanjivaram silk sari ,with fevicol's Quick fix,on the wedding day....THEY DONT APPRECIATE the joke!
*ALWAYS open a wine bottle with proper equipment (bcoz once me and my dad tried to open the cork witha screw driver ,since we didnt have the opener, the result? i think i still see red stains on the wall and the ceiling! )
*Boiled bhindi and ketchup DONT make the best lunch meal.
*GYM IS HARD WORK!!!!
*NEVER take sanskrit as an optional subject !!EVER!!!!!!(even if ur cat,who is on his death bed ,after fighting leukemia for 16 months of vigourous chemo therep! , tells u too ! ) *phew ...*
*English teachers DONT ENJOY IT when you use words like "vaat" and "kalti" during her lectures....
*Your non-english speaking P.T treacher DOES NOT ENJOY IT when u do their mimckery of their funny marathi accent behind their back.....
*NEVER answer the "most embarrasing moment " or "your latest crush" options on slam books truthfully chances are ...everyone finds out about it at the end of the day!
*NOT EASY KEEPING SECRETS FROM MOM!!!!!!(always lands me into trouble that one! ..m forever grounded.....;p )
*NEVER let your friend talk you into letting your hair get permed by her.....RESULT:HUGE MESS...n teasing for the next 1 month by the guys
*Parents EVENTUALLY find out that you are the SOLE reason for the sudden rise in the phone bill
*Make-up DOES NOT really come off easy...
*TORN pillows are not really a fun thing to sleep on..........u always end up cleaning ur bed of feathers the next morning..
*DONT EVER LAUGH when your teacher tells you that she will complain to the H.M about ur behaviour if you create anymore nuisance....CHANCES ARE........SHE WILL......;p
*Dont let your friends get to close...it becomes harder to let them go
*When the cover says the lip gloss has a strawberry essence , they mean JUST the smell, it doesnt necessarily TASTE the same....*yuck!*
neway.....i have had my share of faux paus..........u guys might have "been there done that "...but mind adding on to the list ????? June 02 YOUTH FOR EQUALITYEven though the Summer holidays have drawn to a close now.... and even though everywhere i look .. everyone is running around for admissions and new books et al...still the newspapers continue screaming the same thing for the past 2 months .."YOUTH FOR EQUALITY" has taken the nation by storm.
For one...right now , i really am ..really really proud to be a part of this generation..the generation which has finally proved to the country we're not just "loud music" , "partying" and "backtalking" types.....we actually have minds of our own....and we actually have a thing called "unity" during times of need.Its about time adults didnt start their conversations with "Kids these days......"
Just think... what an energetic discussuion that group of UCMS (University College of Medical Sciences) students might have started in that room of theirs ,that it led to an "uprising" of the whole generation THROUGHOUT the nation.The kind of conviction the students had..it scared the government for crying out loud...now thats something to be proud of !
And dont even try to get me started on our "beloved" HRD minister Arjun Singh.
What a brilliant announcement he made just the day before the IIT-JEE...nice way to discourage the students ...dont you think?
First of all....this declaration came as one hell of a shock...i mean 49.5 % reservation...and when people slowly started to absorb this announcement , they
became outraged , cynical ,angry....
Anyone who had heard this were against it. Not because the "general" caste have anything against the OBC's or SC/ST's............division and discrimination is the last thing that people and especially our generation wants.What our generation wants it lack of discrimination and equality.thats what the youth want...EQUALITY.(Why is that so hard for that HRD minister to understand?)
This "proposal" made by the HRD minister of introducing reservations in all central universities including the IIT's and IIM's...was not only outrageous, but also lacked sense.....
I cant even think of one justification for this proposal...if the minister wants to reserve seats for decrease in the illiteracy rate , i suggest he open more primary schools that reserve seats , or if he wants to help the "ones in need" i strongly recommend that he help the economically inferior financially and economically than reserving seats for the OBC's and SC/ST's , who were once considered "not capable enough " as the general caste.In my opinion , i would say ,seats should be reserved only according to the economic and financial status of a person and not according to caste and creed.i mean.... what a brilliant way to "dress-up" the discrimination! Label them as OBC's ...these people are in no way different than us...why should they be considered inferior...
Being a part of a democratic nation and a part of golablized world and the 21st century ...we do not want the future of the nation studying in their civics textbooks that seats are reserved for the OBC's and SC/ST's according to the constitution of India.And the only reason these seats are reserved are because " If these people are left on their own or to themselves, they might fail to compete with resourceful persons belonging to other communities.thus, such provisions are made to give due representation to the weaker sections of the society" if i may quote so from my std.X ICSE civics textbook.
For the first time ever ,whenever i think of 13th of may, i feel ashamed to be a part of mumbai .the police lathi-charged the students.......how barbaric can one get! the police hit the students with all their might, not leaving the girls behind might i add.even before and after , many of us might have seen on our TV sets, students were barricaded, water cannoned and tear gased.Still,it didnt weaken their stand.Its good they didnt compromise and kept up with their demands when they rejected the governements offer recently.
And the cell phones which our parents used to curse about becuse they distracted us from studies? well, they didnt stop beeping either during the times of need. The cell phones beeped whenever the media failed to work.Through the power of this communication ,within a few hours , the whole of nation came to know about a death of a student, the lathi-charge, the brutalites of the police, the request of a black-out and what not.
And the news of the self-immolation of a student over the matter of the "anti-quota protest", clearly didnt help the government be at ease.
Personally , i think the best thing that has ever happened was that the idealism and courage of conviciton of those few individuals which has led to such a nation wide movement. The medico's might have abandoned the movement momentarily to get back to the reality of examinations , but the engineers and school students arent going to let the chariot-wheels of this movement be clogged by a darnest thing. One last suggestion to the government , dont let out the sigh of relief just as yet. The show's just about started.
P.S-- Me, being a school student , am not exactly allowed to help out the student s in joining in protests and all (allthough i' wishi could!) ...but being a part of the generation who has no other choice i would just like to indulge you to read up more on the issue to educate yourself: unless you are well informed, you cannot convince others
* Talk to people one-on-one to explain the cause to them * Mobilize people within your college/company/colony to help create a wider base * Write in with your queries, ideas and contact details to: youth4equality@gmail.com * Registering at the "youth for equality" website www.youth4equality.org (i personally thank the IIT'ians for helping develop this website).PLEASE visit the website ,atleast once. DISCLAIMER:the views expressed here are only my own and are not intented for any harm.please feel free to drop in a comment.i will be glad to hear your views out too. |
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